I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
