it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
