He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
