one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
