I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
