she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
