oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
