Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
