I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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