Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
