When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
