have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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