Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
