omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
