in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
