I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
