Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
