At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
