very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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