Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
