Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
