it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
