I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
