Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
