Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
