i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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