just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
