it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i barfeds in our rink
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
