i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that's an acceptable place to lick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
