My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
