He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
