K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
