My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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