You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
