i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
