the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
