Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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