Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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