For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
