ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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