Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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