everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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