Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
