I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
