I didn't shave. On purpose
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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