my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
