FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
