I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
