you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
