Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
